what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?
the crazy bitch in me would like to know.
i won't be satisfied
till i suck the marrow from your very soul.

i used to be the fun one,
fast without a second thought;
i used to know directions,
now i've come to a complete stop.

i can't let go. i can't let go. i can't let go.

now my old motto is my mantra more than i could have ever hoped...
tear apart my old skin
let the new flesh bleed
let that familiar sting grow. grow. glow.

circling back to self-destruct,
around to something new yet same.
watching the world around me,
that tantalizing and abandoned game.
waiting for the next surge of emotion
before i drop into usual self-blame.

hate-love-hate-love-hate-love-hate-love
i'm getting whiplash.
fucking speed trap slowdown lane windshield wiping pain.

(whisper in my brain until i lay me down to sleep: two more days, two more days, two more days, two more days...........)



wait--- a glimpse--- for a second there. i almost remember myself [gone]
so reinvent that same old tired routine for five minutes for some halfway unsatisfying effort.

words kind of came back for a moment, i will press
the moment in a book, a trap, a vice
a cage a cell a prison a jail

collected for continuous hours until it dies again and
i lie in wait for the next one
make my jar with holes
in the lid for air
a frew twigs
leaves


two more days, two more days.........
two more goodnights.

i will keep this after then, right?

So what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?
the crazy bitch in me would like to know.
i won't bore you with my distressing shit
but i swear i won't ever let it go.