is much better. right. now.

Period. Full stop. The end. Thank you.

Why?



Because I busted up my foot Saturday morning. Now, that in itself doesn't belie stupidity. Accidents happen. But, I am a moron. I got my foot caught in my eliptical machine. I wasn't even working out... I was leaning over it to look out the window. I was looking out the window to see what the weather looked like. Not 10 minutes before, I'd been outside taking out the trash. I'm brilliant. So I had my foot on the runner thing and I leaned my weight on the arm thing and it pushed the moving thing up on my foot, so that I became stuck. So, like a struggling rabbit in a snare, I torqued my foot out so hard that I sprained it. Bad. I can still barely walk. But I'm so moronic I can't figure out crutches. The sweet guy at the grocery store let me ride one of those old people carts so that I could get my script from the ER filled. (admittedly, that was fun...)

Anyway. I'm a full-on retard. I deserve your laughter and derision. go ahead, point and cackle.

so it's that time of month again. god, it sounds like my period. so two curses a month. fuck that. so 12 days now, due to some cleverish dealings on my part. well, almost 11 i figure, since tomorrow is quickly upon its way.

i've been particularly maudlin... could it be my emotions go all gooey when i let them out of their deep-freeze coma every month? it's a possibility. i have that almost-cry suppressed just below the surface, every little thought that passes through my head triggers it, good memory or terrible one... i wouldn't change a single one, and i find myself lingering on it like i'm dying and seeing it all flash before my eyes.

could it be i'm lonely? my husband's back in school for his next term, so that means wednesday, thursday, and friday nights this time around i'm alone. too much "me time." it makes me almost paralyzed with an inability to do things, or i go manic and do so much i can't slow down and concentrate on one thing at a time. both are obnoxious.

you know, i am pretty tired of only updating my journal when i'm in the sober days of waiting. i just can't say what's really going on outloud; i guess i'm a coward that way. some people know. some people know.

i don't think this time will be especially difficult--i have way too much to accomplish and i have some secondary crutches that should carry me over (or make me way too sleepy). either way, i have to get this house packed. we close on the condo in a little more than a month. That seems so close... i don't know.



haha, now i'm thinking about the good ol' days on dA. when i actually made stuff and participated and had fun. i miss that. i think when i move and i settle in with everything, i'll start doing the art again. that will be nice.

these are some of the happiest days of my life this spring/early summer. but they are terribly flawed. i guess i'm learning about being me now, finding the good things as they come and laughing more, doing more, enjoying more. i guess i'm happy with life right now, but just not happy with myself. maybe you can only have one or the other. shit's weird like that.

so i'll shut up and clean up the kitchen now... no use putting that off until tomorrow because i damn well know it will still be there for me.

I just had a good weekend. I went and saw "The Fall" (and I have a story about the movie theatre, but I think it's the kind of story you have to tell in person, so I won't waste my time here...),I helped my mom move back home. I went to the park and fed the baby geese and ducklings. I got all my laundry done AND put away. I think other stuff happened too.

I hurt my arm really bad. I don't know how I did it or what exactly is wrong with it, but it's this awful nerve pain inside my elbow. Typing works okay, but using the mouse doesn't, or most other things that involve my right hand/arm. It's better today than it was last night when out of the blue it just went off like a bomb. I'm always getting hurt for no good reason. So annoying.

Ten hour day at work today. I rock. The bills totally cleaned me out yesterday...

New employee at work today. I'm going to be friends with her. Now that sounds very kindergarten, doesn't it? but I am. She's new to town and I happen to rock Denver.

That's all for now... just thought I'd share some benign/pretty good/decent/not terrible stuff for once. I'm really not a debby-downer. only in my journal. Meh! *shrug*

I was soooooooo right. the weekend sucked. i should have played possum with a migraine and stayed home. really horrible things went down, and i learned more than i ever wanted to know (but secretly i'm pretty glad about it... it's something to throw in my big cauldron of stuff that i know and can pull out when i need it...)

this week will be just fine. what, three days? two? i have a substitute for the meantime, a little thing to come home to after work and be... fine.

and then? maybe i'll disappear again. i have so much to do that i can't until then.